


In An Attempt To Move On (it's ok to make mistakes)

by FluffyAzzy



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Background Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Background Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Background Deceit | Janus Sanders, Background Morality | Patton Sanders, Caring Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Mess, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders-centric, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders is a Sweetheart, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26609842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyAzzy/pseuds/FluffyAzzy
Summary: A trigger: A trigger in psychology is a stimulus such as a smell, sound, or sight that triggers feelings of trauma.;In other words, the weight of mistakes can cause a person to crumble, even on a good day. Roman has trouble not getting lost in the rubble and drowning in his mistakes, never to resurface.But mistakes and needing help are okay.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 10
Kudos: 86





	In An Attempt To Move On (it's ok to make mistakes)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Leave The Trauma Behind Us (it's okay to not be okay)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26459626) by [FluffyAzzy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyAzzy/pseuds/FluffyAzzy). 



> Basically a Sanders Sides version of my Teen Wolf fic, for the people who follow me for this type of content.
> 
> Please be weary of the tags and take care of yourself!!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy 💙

Roman was swimming.

The day had started like any other. He woke up to the light chirps of the sparrows in the imagination and the sunlight peaking into his room to greet him. Roman was then greeted by his family when he went downstairs for breakfast. An absolute feast of savoury french toast with scrambled egg and avocado, thanks to Patton.

"Why don't we all watch a movie together today? It's been quite a while since we've all sat down to enjoy an activity together." Logan suggested. It was that simple. Everyone had agreed that Inside Out seemed like a good choice. Produced by Pixar, released by Disney, it's a great movie! 

So why was Roman drowning?

Roman was in the dark. In figurative terms, the darkness was so thick that he couldn't move. However in the literal sense, all he had to do was reach over and turn on his reading lamp. But he couldn't move, not even a finger, with the weight he could feel endlessly pressing into every corner of his person. The weight had no physical cause but it certainly felt as real as the bedsheets underneath him. Truthfully, it was a byproduct of every single mistake Roman had made over the years.

Not being able to easily accept Virgil, for starters. Virgil deserved _so much more_ than always being told he was the bad guy. He had deserved to be _accepted and listened_ _to_. Roman will always remember the insults he hurled at the figment. So much so, Roman pushed him to the edge until _he snapped_ and tried to _duck out_. Roman could have been so much _better_ , more _fair_ , but he _hadn't been_.

He could have handled the situation with Thomas so much better. He could have _been there for him_ when he needed someone most instead of focusing on his own agenda and bending to what others wanted. He needed _guidance_ and _support_ , which from Roman he _never_ got either. Instead, all he got was a sorry excuse of a figment to call his "good" creativity. Thomas also _deserved better than him_.

Remus, being everything he wasn't. The type to think of aunt Patty naked or _killing our best friends_. My god and Roman still had those kinds of ideas too, what kind of a monster did that make _him_? Remus...deserved to be guided better. Remus helped give ideas too given that, since he'd appeared, the audience seems to have absolutely eaten him up and _love him_. Maybe Remus deserved the creativity title and power more than Roman did. Surely almost anyone would have been _better than him_? Heck, _Roman_ had made Thomas think about killing his friends too, with the trolly problem. So, what was the _difference_?

The wind picked up from the open door of the imagination and the room grew colder. With it came the taunting phrase that Roman's mind always came back to, no matter how long it had been since his apology and forgiveness. “ _Oh, Roman, thank God you don’t have a mustache. Otherwise, between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is!_ ” Which brought him back to what is possibly the worst thing he's ever done.

He should have never done what he did to Janus. He shouldn't have made the same mistake twice and tried to not let him anywhere near his family. Janus was trying to _help Thomas_ and Roman _stopped_ him. He- he took _advantage of his trust_ and _threw it back in his face_. He told him to get lost, that he _didn't belong_. That he was nothing but a _manipulative snake_ and a dark side _not to be trusted_. It's _Roman's fault_ that they all had fallen apart afterwards and there's _nothing he can do to change that_. He can't just fix it all and go back in time to tell his past self that maybe Patton was right.

Because that's the thing, isn't it? Patton had tried to pull him away from the anger, he'd tried to help him. "Janus isn't the toxic poison we originally painted him to be. He wants to help! Not just Thomas, but us too! Don't you want that?" Patton had asked. Having been pulled aside before another silent and tense dinner, with a fierce protectiveness and fear in his eyes that, looking back now, was directed at _Roman_ , not Janus.

Roman had pushed him away. He'd told him that _he didn't understand_ , he hadn't had to go through the same turmoil that Janus had caused him. He didn't actually know Janus since the _snake always lied_. As bad as the rest of the dark sides. Patton had looked heartbroken and furious all in one. He'd been swiftly reminded that Virgil was originally one of them. Then Roman had gone back to his room, not joining the rest for dinner that night. Then Janus came to him a few nights later and _apologiesd for every single piece of it_. Proving himself trustworthy _thrice over_ in the month following. _With every other side in support of him_. Patton included.

_It's my fault, I hurt them and pushed them away and it's my FAULT-_

There was a tap on Roman's wrist that brought the noise in his head down and less in focus. The smell of vanillin and the most basic of soap had him registering who it was before he could see them. Wait, why couldn't he focus on looking at them?

"Roman, I'm going to need you to do as I instruct for a little while, okay?" Logan gently grabbed both of Roman's wrists to pull them away from his hair. It was only then that Roman could feel the pain in his scalp from pulling his hair. How long had he been doing that for? "Good. I'm going to start now. Try and tell me five things you can hear?" Logan asked.

"I- I can hear you, the wind blowing through the leaves, wing chimes, the sparrows and myself?" Roman answered. As he'd come up with answers, his thoughts started to come back into focus. Logan must have turned on his lamp when he came in but he doesn't remember seeing it let alone knowing when Logan came into the room.

"Well done. Do you think you can list four things you can smell?" Logan continued with the steps. Roman breathed in a big breath of air, as if he'd been deprived of it for hours. Then the quote drifting through from the imagination, reacting to Roman's state of mind, repeated.

"Tears. Burnt wood, blood and metal." Roman rushed his words as he started to hyperventilate. When Roman didn't want to confront things, he'd go on a quest, usually against a dragon witch, his worst of enemies. The memories mixed together and brought those scents to the forefront. There was movement and then a sharp thud off to the side. The noise and breeze were gone. Logan quickly came back over and leaned forward to wipe away tears on Roman's face, that he hadn't even realised he'd shed.

"You're safe, my prince. I don't think that's all you can smell right now, is it? Why not have another go and focus on scents in the current room?" Logan gently suggested. Why was he being so gentle with him? He _hurt them-_

"Um, I smell your old book smell." Roman started. Logan snorted at that and moved to hold Roman's hands as he continued. "Also the- did you bring cookies?"

"And a glass of water, yes I did. Patton baked them this morning. I knew I couldn't go wrong with bringing you a few. They're white chocolate and macadamia, your favourite" Logan answered. "Three things you can see?" With Roman regaining focus, his visual processing was back.

"I see you, the cookies and the bed." Roman replied smoothly this time. Logan was smiling at him. He must have kicked his shoes off when he came in since his feet were tucked up next to him on the bed. Space themed socks as usual.

"You're doing great, almost there. Two things you can feel?" Logan prompted. Logan's thumbs rubbed patterns into Roman's hands. The repetition and pressure was comforting and further helped to bring Roman back into reality.

"Your hands and the bed sheets." Roman replied.

"And one thing you can taste?" Logan asked. Roman, completely back in reality, had a very good idea for this answer. He leaned forward slowly with enough time for Logan to back away. When it was clear Logan was leaning towards him as well, Roman kissed him. The kiss was short but no less sweet and full of emotion.

"You, my star." Roman replied.

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to write this to show to even more people, what something like this can look like.
> 
> If you want to know why I wrote the original or see the awesome comments on it, I'm marking it as what inspired this one. 💙


End file.
